How not to make someone feel important

25 years ago, I worked in a Bail Hostel in London with 25 male offenders. Most stayed a few nights or weeks; others, often on license from prison, stayed for months and years.

I often did 24 hour shifts - getting about 5 hours sleep if I was lucky. It was on one of these mornings that I was sitting at the desk and updating the log book on the events of my shift before leaving.

I heard a distinctive foot fall on the stairs behind me. Without looking around, I knew it was Tom, who was a talented guitar player with a penchant for heroin. Whilst I wasn't keen on some of the things he'd done to fund his heroin (and maybe his guitar) habit, I liked him. He had a dry sense of humour and was a gentle soul. Still writing in the book, I called out "How are you this morning, Tom?"

"Very institutionalised, thank you!"

We both giggled as he grabbed the milk from the fridge to take it back upstairs. But I do remember feeling embarrassed. Embarrassed that I'd not even looked up from the book when I called out to him behind me. I apologised for being so robotic.

Not everyone is a Tom, who can respond entertainingly and interestingly to a person not giving them their full attention. I try to remember this.